hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize