the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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