Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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