Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
