if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
