This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
