Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
