you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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