This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
