We're facebook friends in real life
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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