Your mouth is God's brothel.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
