So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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