there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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