You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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