There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
