2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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