WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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