If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
