we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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