Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
