found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
