Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
