we have officially lost it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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