I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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