I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
