Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
