Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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