just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
