You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize