Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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