I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
