I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
