i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
