First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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