gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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