Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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