I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
