i wish semen tasted like chocolate
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
