Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he shaved USA in his pubs
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
