So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize