I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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