One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
