wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
