I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You don't make any sense
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