i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
