we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
