Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
