I think scott just propositioned me for sex
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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