woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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