I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
