I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
