Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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