i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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