fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
