Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
