Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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