what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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