well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
