You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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