Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
