Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
