two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
