i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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