Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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