If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
