Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
