Come see our sink grown plant.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
