just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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