im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize