Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
