Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got inside last night via doggy door
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
