I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
