another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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