He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
