then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
