I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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