Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
