Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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