A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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