Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
