Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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