it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
