Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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