Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
