this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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