at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
