We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
