It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
