I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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