He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
