my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Randomize
