So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sorry about my life...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
