YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
