he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
