Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
