I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
