so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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