I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize