hotel room ftw
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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