That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
