Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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