I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
