piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
