omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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