girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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