I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
