My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
